On Being a Naked Hermit Crab
How Buddhism can help when life is tricky
Our colleague Angie is running a book group on Zenju Earthlyn Manuel’s Way of Tenderness (a beautiful book) starting on 2nd of July - read more here. Now: me as a crab.
Since we decided to move out of the temple into a place of our own a few months ago, I have felt like a naked hermit crab.
I’ve outgrown the shell I’m in. It pinches my toes and I can see that there are other people lining up to try it on for size.
I haven’t found a new suitable shell yet. Our budget might stretch to two home offices for our therapy clients, no connected walls for our noise-sensitive dogs, and a garden, but so far we’ve only found one that fits from many hundreds, and eight days after our offer on it they said ‘no’.
My passions roil. The breathless pinned powerlessness of not being in control. Ravenous greed for the houses that are too expensive for us. Grief at the lives I haven’t lived and never will. Itchy impatience. An ache for an unknown home.
Where is my Buddhist practice? What good is decades of Dharma, when I am so easily tipped over?
The light breaks through.
The character in my cozy mystery murder novel suddenly remembers that she is straining and efforting, rather than relying on God’s carrying her, and tears spring to my eyes. Angie speaks in practice about the light that shines forth from everything, and I suddenly see house viewings as Dharma teachings. An estate agent offers me the phrase ‘if it’s meant to be…’ and it points me back towards faith. The Buddha keeps whispering two words into my ear: Trust Truth.
I am bombu. A limited being, shoved around by my passions - by the parts of me that are desperate to protect my vulnerability. These parts of me just want to keep my hermit-crab rawness as safe as possible. They’re doing their best. I will always be bombu.
The Buddha sees all that, and she smiles kindly. She knows that there’s a good shell/house waiting for us somewhere along the road. She knows that I’m learning things (ouch) through this process. She’s carrying me gently in her arms - even when it doesn’t feel that way.
The Dharma breaks through. Maybe today you’ll be able to listen to a message of sweet compassion or slicing wisdom (or both). It could come from anywhere.
The light shines forth from everything.
Namo Amida Bu,
Satya 🙏🏻
There’s this idea that spiritual practice will yield peaceful equanimity. And sometimes it does. That helps me keep that fantasy alive. But spirituality isn’t a shield against being knocked around by life. Speaking for myself, I get knocked around all the time. On the other hand, if I tried doing this “life” thing absent any of the spiritual teachings that have helped me, I can only imagine what a royal mess I’d make of it.
Thanks for keeping it real. And good luck with the house search. 😊❤️
Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear this and be reminded of exactly those things today.